It can be scary to trust God in real life.

One time a very close friend of mine begins telling me about a dream she has during one of our frequent, extended hang outs and mentioned feeling very odd about the dream because she didn't know what it could have meant. I love that the nature of our friendship is close enough to share so many light-spirited intimate moments like that but this was truly an isolated experience.

As my friend is telling me the details of the dream I unfortunately receive an unraveling of the meaning behind it. I recognize that that could've been a spiritual gift trying to manifest or maybe just wisdom and understanding which... also is gifted from the man upstairs shoutout to Him! So to be clear, I by no means say it's unfortunate to be able to interpret a dream. The meaning of the dream itself however was however unfortunate and I chose not to share it!

Sigh...

I'm beginning to accept the reality that I've been walking with Christ since the day that I was born.

A quote from a book that I've started reading mentions how although we do not always remain aware that we're in the presence of God, we are, and because of this reality we often live as though God isn't present or as if he has far bigger things to worry about so whatever little bit of His presence he spares us isn't relevant.

I've noticed myself telling stories of my past and feeling the need to let -whoever my audience is- know that I did X or Y actions BEFORE I began walking with Christ. I was tempted to say the same of the story about my friends dream, as a means to maybe excuse my decision, but to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I'd make a better decision if faced with the same opportunity. As a matter of fact, I KNOW that I wouldn't do things differently.. because I HAVEN'T. I also know that I don't make a whole lot of better decisions all of the time even though I feel a more comfortable than I might have in the past sharing that I walk with Christ.

I'm still friends with this girl and still haven't told her and honestly only now after admitting that, I have a slight inclination to do it. It all makes me think back an episode I watched of In The Basement with Tim Ross and I remember he was talking about a similar experience where a woman came to him after a service and shared a story of how Mother's Day was really tough for her because she had a strong desire to become a wife and then a mother but it never came to pass. As she told this story Tim heard from the Lord to tell her to let it go, and he struggled to comply because it felt harsh to say. Most people (me) would only prefer to share a hopeful word from God, not something that would tear someone down.

To say tear down also sounds harsh but truthfully, I think that in those moments that is the intent. I've commonly seen deadly strongholds and treasured idols appear to become one with a persons character. So to agree to be a vessel for The Lord to tear those things down that are meant to destroy a person, may appear to us or others like it's being negative, or feel like you're trying to tear that person down when the effort is to help them.

Tim didn't tell her to let it go because God had no intentions on blessing her with a husband and child, whether that is the case or not... No, I believe he told her that because it's possible that she made an idol out of being a mother and a wife. I've watched a few youtube videos about making marriage an idol, and my pastor said something that made me realize how it was starting to become one for me.

Think of the thing you desire most to achieve, receive, or obtain. Like seriously, is it a car, a person, marriage, a lifestyle, a certain amount of money, a certain kind of house, children, a career, lots of friends? Whatever it is for you, if you found out that you would never have whatever that thing is, how would your attitude about partnering with God in the work he set before you look different? And my pastor had us sit with that awhile. For me, that thing would've been to build a family and to have a solid community; to raise my family in good community, and honestly, I began to fear my sins were too heavy for me to ever be so fortunate but that's another story for a- whole nother article lol.

Truth is maybe I do idolize my desire for community, so much so that I wouldn't tell a friend something that could free her out of fear that she would feel attacked and choose to end our friendship. Honestly, that doesn't make me a good friend, and they could have responded well and understood the good parental love of God somewhere in what I felt charged to say; or they could've responded EXACTLY as I feared they would and I could've very well lost my friend that day. I know that I should've REMEMBERED and trusted that no matter the outcome, that God has plans to PROSPER us not to harm us, BUT as I stated in the title... it can be scary to trust God in real life.