Relational Health

I've been experiencing the worst writers block, which is probably kin to the anxiety around making my inner thoughts open for human review. It's rarely hard for me to journal.

The morning that I began this, I woke up at like 7 am and to some, that comment may just roll across your mind like okay... but my average time of wake as of this summer has been like 11 am so that's kind of a big deal for me. Sometimes I'll wake up at 7, look at the clock and think to myself- nope, too early and roll over and sleep for 2-4 more hours. I'm not sure if I'm sorry or not to admit that I do fall into that archetype but I believe like I woke up on some sort of mission that day, so I drove 20 minutes across town to go sit by a lake and might've gotten the cops called on me because there was a man standing with his hand on his hip and a phone to his ear staring at me lol. I went to a less public part of the lake, like behind some office buildings it still seemed pretty public to me haha. I did notice people walking into the building looking sketched out by me which led to a very brave office manager came out probably to see if I was a crackhead or someone "dumping a car" whatever that means, or idk being sketchy in some way, which I understand completely. But he was kind and we easily came to an understanding. Unfortunately though, that, and the blazing 8am sun killed the vibe I had going so I left shortly thereafter anyway lol.

I did get some meaningful work done while I was there though. I went there to enjoy the silence of nature, read and journal my thoughts but as soon as I opened the journal, out fell a few slips of paper notes that I took at at some seminar/session-thing titled 'relational health' which was pretty darn good and I think I was one of maybe two people from my church cohort of maybe 100 something people to attend this seminar session thing. There were other ones, one about spiritual gifts, and another about the pursuit for purpose but I know one of my most insecure points is the state of my relationships past, present, and future. So when presented with the opportunity the talk about it with Christian leaders I was not passing that up.

I treasured those notes in the moment and even shared them with the friends who didn't attend so I never felt the pressing need to dive back into it especially not 7 months later but as I did reflect on those notes I felt what I'm starting to think is the Holy Spirit inspiring me to write... I just start to get so inspired in these little moments and I just want to run to the blog and spill it all, but I also try to remain present.

In my reflection though I regathered how the key to thriving relationships is the condition of your soul being in good health and a good relationship with God and notice how I didn't say and/or, i said and. period.

A healthy soul without a good relationship with our creator produces codependancy and a good relationship with God without with an unhealthy soul state produces chaos. But that gag is... it never remains stagnant with chaos or codependency, the conditions will either progress forward toward thriving relationships or decline further into a more toxic relationships. The big message was that every relationship you enter is going to be on this spectrum of toxic or thriving based on you and God. Which kind of makes sense I guess, but like what about others?

I've experienced relationships where it felt like the other person had work to do that was getting in the way of our relationship. I think I'm learning that thats where a level of boundaries will need to come in to play, cause it's not like that stuff just doesn't matter. SO How do you approach relationships with others based on the condition of their souls and the relations they have with God?

1. If you have a relationship with someone who has a good relationship with God and a healthy soul, that's a relationship to Maintain. Thats a pretty easy one.

2. If the other person has a good relationship with God and a not so healthy soul condition this might be someone to Minister to, and if you're anything like me you're like okay but what does that look like? Don't worry I googled it so you don't have to. To minister is simple terms means to attend to the needs of someone or to provide something to necessary and helpful. This reminds me of the Nehemiah Institute that my church hosts for its members. The second portion of that spiritual growth track focuses heavily on becoming aware of and healing the condition of our souls. I can speak from personal experience about friendships with proclaimed believers of God who really struggle to keep a healthy lifestyle, and I want so badly to give them hope and inspiration a for better way. I guess to be really intentional about those relationships would mean adopting a ministry-mindset, knowing I can't fix them, but accepting the responsibility of being a useful vessel.
   

3. If the other person has a healthy soul but lacks a good relationship with our creator then this is someone to be on Mission for. I also find this one quite interesting but it is a bit more self explanatory to me. I grew up hearing about ministers and missionaries a lot because because those are my maternal grandparents titles. So I really had to reflect on these two and put them into perspective. I experience people all of the time on the internet or in passing who would claim to be 'more spiritual' or who grew up not-so deeply rooted in the religion they departed from yet still seem to be doing alright. I think in order to be on mission for anyone you have to be confident and assured in the WHY you believe in what you do so that when you're faced with these types of circumstances you're equipped to respond, especially if you claim to firmly believe that your faith is live-giving. I'll be honest, that's a big part of the reason why I feel like I have a lot of work to do in developing my faith, because when faced with these kinds od scenarios my default is just to grieve for a persons soul. ANYWHO.

4. This last one is the real kicker. How can you practice love with someone who has an unhealthy soul and relationship with God that doesn't reflect his word? Well according to pastor Keith, you are to show them Mercy. I don't how you receive that one chat, but that's a good place for me to be mentally stuck.

Cause like... to what end do you do that, and the only right answer with a Godly mindset is.. to no end do you do that. Any relationship worth having will require sacrificial love, giving, and the skill of forgiveness. That is how God demonstrated his love for us after all and that proves how God's idea of love and relationships is much different than what the world would have us operate in and that's why it's so important that He's involved.

I recall telling my little sisters about how the world works outside of K-12. I told them that after you graduate, or at least after I graduated high school- the motivating force of proximity isn't always there to promote the reconciliation of you and another person being at odds- in the language that a third grader would understand, of course. But it's the truth, at this stage of life, without the adoption of God's idea for relationships, a minor disagreement could easily cause once close friends to be at odds for the rest of their lives simply because of "the principle"... let alone a more serious occurrence.

The is no assigned seat in any science class that could force you to settle your differences with a person in adulthood. You can always change seats, drop the class, quit the job, move out, or just avoid a certain part of town if you don't simply don't like a persons behavior. No nature of relationship is bound to survive with this way of thinking, yet many of us neglect the good principles that held us together from elementary school through graduation day.

Sadly and truthfully, this is why you can have a good personal relationship with God and still get this thing wrong if you don't understand your responsibility to keep relationships. I think we can all easily imagine a scenario where an attempting righteous-living person wouldn't want to allow appearing unrighteous people into their actual inner circles. Some of us have been that person. I, myself have been tempted to do this many times and have definitely given into that temptation once or twice or thrice lol but I think a level of holy maturity is accepting the idea as a reality that you will be tested in every relationship you desire to hold. That's why Jesus did not neglect to include forgiving others of their trespasses when He gave us that outline for prayer. Jennifer, the lady who spoke at this seminar said to keep grace like you keep water with you because you will be tested. And as New Edition so beautifully put: storms will come, this we know for sure. Can youuu stand the rainnn??

Being intentional about a relationship is very similar to being intentional about living better.

Just like the desire live right in the eyes of God requires daily repentance for the sake of your soul. Like the desire to lose weight requires consistent exercise and healthy habits for the sake or your health like not eating 6 krispy kreme donuts just because the hot light was on. The desire for healthy, lasting relationships requires you to love the people who are in your life despite any difficult encounter yesterday or the anticipation for an potentially worse encounter today and all for the sake of a strong, lasting community.

Any good change requires you to wake up everyday with the mindset that you can endure and follow through with tense decisions, and it is incredibly selfish not to do so. The creator of this universe clearly doesn't think we should be alone or else He'd have designed it that way so let's come into agreement with his design and do the work to make being in each other life worthwhile. :) Okay byeeeeeeeee <3